LOVE AND SEX

 

Sex is made amid a swirl of romantic imagery, intoxicating fantasy, and fear- the fear of loss, the fear of broken promises, the fear of failure and the fear of success which means facing the challenges of a lifetime of living together. No wonder we are confused. We humans need to have sex, we love to have sex. But human mating is by far the most complicated and problematic coupling on the Planet Earth. Apparently, we have always been ambivalent about sex which eventually leads us to separate love and sex. Love is above the belt and sex is below the belt. Love is beautiful and lyrical and romantic and sex is filthy and bawdy and carnal. 

Is sex a dirty or degrading act or an act of love? We cannot decide what to think about sex because we treat it both ways.

Asking teens to control their urges is not inconsistent to us. Sexual control is a tactic all human beings must learn. Our attitude toward sex is perhaps the most maladaptive solution to the problems of sex we could devise. We have made sex dirty and deprived ourselves of it pleasures. We have condemned our kids to ignorance and shame. It does not have to be that way. We have paid dearly in the meantime in broken hearts and broken marriages and antisocial behavior. Our notion of sex are a dirty joke and the joke is on us.

True, that some of our greatest accomplishments have been based on our refusal to be bound by biology. By defying biological constraints, we have been able to conquer our world and even begin to reach out to other worlds. But love is not conquest.

Why cannot our brain conquer love the same way it is conquered most of our environment? 

Because love is not “out there”. It cannot be manipulated like a stick or a wheel or a motor. It is the place on earth we have not yet established our control. That is what makes love so special and elusive. 

That is why when you love someone, you never really feel in control. It is the brain’s greatest challenge and exhilaration. It is a merging of two minds and the bodies they command- on a level of consciousness we do not begin to understand. 

Love is not just about the feeling of excitement. Love is an attitude. 

Remember that human pairing may be the mist complicated, problem-filled coupling on Earth, but when it is successful, there is nothing more beautiful or more fulfilling that it.

Of all the many mysteries of the universe, love is probably the only one which most of us will hardly solve and find. 

*I got these article from a book, but I already forgot the title! Sorry for that. But some of the sentences above are edited by me. 

I post this because this is one of my favorite topic to discuss especially when I am talking with teenagers. I always make sure to insert this "sex and love and romance" thing to them (during our cell group) because this is one of the most complicated thing they are engaging right now and its really hard for them to discern what is right and wrong about love and sex. Both love and sex are good thing and they are from God. What makes them so "bastos" is when we put LUST into it. We have to remember that there is nothing wrong about having sex especially when you do it with love. But when you do sex just because of lust, oh, that's when we SIN. And that is the bottom line here, we are not aware that we are already committing a sin. Sex and Love are gifts from God but Lust comes from the Devil. We must be guided by this fact. 

So here are some bible verses which help me to understand what separate love from lust; 

Job 31:1
I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.

Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-6
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God

But the big question is HOW DO YOU KNOW IF THE FEELING IS LOVE OR LUST TOWARDS SOMEONE?

According to http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_lust

Lust is desire that is stimulated by a superficial impression of the object of passion with a selfish consideration in mind. On this basis, lust is not taking an interest in someone for their own sake, but mostly in order to gain pleasure of some sort from that person. In contrast, love is when the desire towards a person is fully mediated by a consciousness of the importance of the person and when attention is given in actions towards this person with the appreciation of his or her inherent worth as the driving motivation.

Now, lets put it this way. I will try to say it according to my experience and observations. My definition of love is that Love is God. That's it. Meaning it is pure and holy and it desires no evil. But when you are going to ask me what is my definition six years ago, my answer would probably be "Love is the feeling you can't explain when you are with some one. Time seems to stop when you are with him". See? Hahaha. I am really laughing while writing this. Did you see the difference now? The world defined love as something you get out of your feeling, when you are excited or happy or depressed. But there is a deeper real meaning of love. It is an attitude. 

Read 1 Corinthians 13 and you will know what I mean.

It not just about the feeling, but it is how you act when you are under that feeling. Love will never hurt you and love will never make you so bitter. It does not have to be complicated- just like the way you post it to your Facebook profile! Because love is all about goodness and kindness! God is all about Love. It is not about your wife or your husband or your girlfriend or boyfriend or your crush! Love is not about man himself. Never. 

Psalm 4:8 says "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"

We became miserable, hopeless and pitiful because we have the wrong definition of love in our heart. If all the people in the world would just only understand the what REAL LOVE is, then there would no news about divorced couple, suicide incident because of broken relationships and many more. People like them are all victims because they based there feelings about love in a very shallow foundation. And when the limit is reached, it will eventually fall.

So what's the SOLUTION???

Change your definition of LOVE. Change your mind. And how to do that?

COME TO JESUS. He knows how to do it. I assure you, because this is what I did.